An Unfortunate Predicament
by MidnightGlows
Summary: A number of time-travelers show up in Bilbo's living room as he was talking to the dwarves. Or... in which Bilbo gets sassy with people he doesn't even know... oh, and there's time-travelers who say they're all doomed in the future. Slight Crack!fic depending on how you look at it. BAMF!Bilbo


Thorin was just about to tell Balin to hand Bilbo the contract when a sudden crash drove him from the current state of mind. The dwarves in the hobbit's dining room stilled as one, and they looked to the living room with suspicion-filled eyes. The hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, aged fifty, shared a quick but meaningful glance with Gandalf the Grey. Before they could move, voices were being heard from the other room.

"Pippin?"

"Merry?"

"Legolas?"

"Gimli?"

The room was silent for a moment, and all the dwarves, wizard, and hobbit shared a very confused look at each other. 'What the ruddy hell is…?' Bilbo mouthed silently toward the others who were paying attention to him. All he got in response were confused shrugs. Slowly, Bilbo crept forward in the candlelight of the now dark room toward the hallway in front of the living room entrance.

Bilbo peeked inside of the living room entrance, almost afraid of what he would find. What he saw was very...confusing to the young hobbit. There was a dwarf, two hobbits, and an elf, all tangled in the center of his carpeted wooden floor. Some didn't look very clean, rather grimy and dirty, while some others looked very well taken care of. Bilbo looked on timidly, his mouth opening to propose a quiet question in the still air.

"Uhm, ex-excuse me? Wh-who are you, and what are you doing in my home?"

Even at the beginning of his question, the room's occupants sat straight up and stared at the hobbit with deliberating eyes. Many of their hands went straight to their hips as if reaching for a weapon, even the hobbits. This only confused Bilbo even more.

"Where are we?" came a gruff, mistrusting voice in the disarray of bodies. "Why do you seek to capture us like common criminals? We have done naught!"

Bilbo raised his eyebrows, but answered with an irritated huff (this was the second time his home had been barged in upon this evening!), "Why, you're in Bag End, of course!" he cried with passion in his voice. "My name is Bilbo Baggins, and I have not captured you like common criminals, I assure you, for I would like to know why you are in my home to begin with!

"Really, two unknown visiting parties in one night? I sure like visitors, like any hobbit, but I like to know them before they come visiting…" he finished with an accepting sigh. As he stopped talking, however, there were several sets of eyes upon him, and Bilbo became uncomfortable with the stares.

"Bilbo!"

"Bilbo, my good lad! You sure look far younger than when I last saw you!"

"Thank Mahal it was only Bilbo's home we were sent to!"

And the comments went on like that, which Bilbo finally tuned out to get a better look at the room's occupants. There was two hobbits, young hobbits it seemed; one dwarf, one that looked oddly familiar; and, one elf, who was strangely sitting next to the dwarf companionably. Bilbo frowned and looked over to the dwarf again, his frown growing deeper as he recognised one of them to be Gloin (or perhaps a relative of him), one of the dwarves sitting at his kitchen table. Bilbo finally put a stop to all of the chatter.

"Stop! Stop! Stop talking at once, oh, confound all of you!" Bilbo turned and snuck back into the kitchen where he seeked out Gandalf with a unamused look upon his face. Gandalf smiled at Bilbo innocently, to which Bilbo responded by saying: "There are time-travelers in my living room, Gandalf, time-travelers!"

Gandalf's face grew concerned and he asked, "How do you know that, my dear boy?"

"Because one of them looks like Gloin!" Bilbo snapped with irritation behind his words. The wizard's expression grew impressed, and his lips formed a small 'o'. The dwarves gathered around the table stayed silent, but looked to Gloin as if he had the answers. Bilbo frowned at them and turned back to Gandalf.

"Go," Bilbo demanded and pointed his fingers toward the living room entrance. The wizard opened his mouth to protest, but Bilbo beat him to it. "Go!" Bilbo demanded once more in annoyance. The wizard stopped and put a kind smile on his face. He tipped his head up and walked into the hallway. Bilbo stared after him before turning to stare at the dwarves still gathered around his dining room table.

"Blasted wizards!"

The room was quiet for a moment before a dwarf asked a hesitant question. "Should-should we go in there?"

And with that question, Bilbo Baggins, master of Bag End, broke. "Why me?" he whispered despairingly. "Why me?" He sighed and nodded in response to the dwarf's question. "Just go," he whispered tiredly.

All at once, the dwarves leapt up and ran into the next room, all except for Thorin Oakenshield. The dwarf king walked up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, but said nothing.

"May I help you, Master Oakenshield?" Bilbo sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"My, you have temper on you, do you not, Master Baggins? Perhaps not such a grocer after all…" Bilbo said nothing, only breathing out and hip-checking the dwarf beside him. Said dwarf raised his eyebrow questioningly, but remained silent. Bilbo snorted and walked forward determined to join the loud fray coming from the other room. He did not feel the dwarf king join him.

Bilbo stepped into the room to find all of the occupants yelling to one another with no semblance of order. Well, this will not due, Bilbo thought to himself. Quickly, he stood up on his mother's old window sitting box.

"Hello!" he shouted to be mostly ignored. He tried again, only louder this time. "I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, YOU COULD BE ONE OF THE VALAR, I DO NOT CARE, BUT WOULD EVERYONE SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN AND KEEP ORDER LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE?!"

This got everyone's attention as his voice rose above everyone else's. They all immediately closed their mouth's and stared at him, but Bilbo did not care at the moment. "Thank you…" He pinched his fingers on the bridge of his nose, hoping to keep the oncoming headache away. He pulled away to look up and be greeted by shocked faces. Bilbo ignored them instead asking a question. "Now… Can we please discuss what is happening here like civilised people, not a pack of orcs? Is it really so hard to do that?"


End file.
